Mackalactick Mixology...

That’s my good friend M-Double-A-L doing a Thizz Face way back in 1998 with some ladies from the D at the very irie Caribana. Maal’s mad cool folks. With him and my homie Danny, we broke ourselves of the Cleveland curse of never going on vacation by renting a car and driving to the T.O. in a rather impromptu fashion. It was on that trip that I discovered the beauty of travel. Nonetheless, I have known Maal since 1994. He was a founding member of Cleveland’s Primate Foundation, most easily described as a Shaker Heights version of Wu-Tang. Maal had the home studio and was creating some raw shit as half of the Kinkaboo Crew along with BLG. The years have passed by, and as most folks quit the music, Maal keeps cranking out the hits and pursuing the crown. He, like me, said “fuck Cleveland” and moved out to San Diego, where life is much better now. Maal’s superpower is being able to solicit anything to anyone. I remember he once got us into some Hiero afterparty out in Oberlin, Ohio, where they weren’t letting anyone in, by claiming we were some other rap group that had opened up for dem Hiero boys. If given the chance, I bet Maal could sell Mein Kampf in Israel, or Baltimore Ravens jerseys in Cleveland, or freedom to a Frenchman, or better yet, some Mexican brown in the Bulldog. Also, man is quite the culture merchant and writer as he is half of the rawest music blog on the net, Turbo City. So, I tell Maal I’m doing a new feature on my blog concerning people’s original drinks. He tells me he’s got some drinks for me. So my homie sends me three recipes. Word. I’ve included Maal’s opine on some of these drinks since I’m scared to fuck with them…

Ghetto Heaven
1 part Christian Brothers brandy
1 part Olde English Malt Liquor

Chad: “Save for that Ghetto Heaven, these drinks sound great.”
Maal: “The pallet is palpable to taste playa! Drink responsibly.”

Sour Mash Splash
1 part Jack Daniels whiskey
1 part apple juice
1 part tonic water
1 part grenadine
Mix and pour over ice.

Gorilla Milk (Maal's version)
1 part Bailey's Irish cream
1 part Bacardi 151 rum
A little bit of Kahlua on the top
Mix and pour over ice.

“That Gorilla Milk will make you black out. One time me and [my brother] had about two tall glasses each of Gorilla Milk and we don’t remember leaving the bar. It was crazy!”

Flame On...

I just got a major kick out of writing about the Golden Shower, so those who like this new Mixology series are about to get the pleasure of experiencing back-to-back articles with the same amount of erogenous ecstasy that lesbians get out of back-to-back dildos. Back when I attended Cleveland State University I became a major fucking lush. Beyond drinking myself into labyrinth-like stupors at night, my crew extended this idiocy to the early morning hours as well. We were the crew in the University Center, or UC, with coffee mugs full of each person's favorite hooch. My homie Shawn Corleone used to have a Wile E. Coyote cup constantly filled with cheap-ass vodka. Not only was it cute, but it was gangster too. Truly it was excess, but at least we did it in our late-teens and early twenties as opposed to doing it later in life when responsibility cannot be shirked. Due to everyone's rising tolerance we started drinking Barcardi 151 Rum. For those that don't know, that means that this rum is 75.5% straight-up alcohol content. Almost twice as powerful as your Absoluts and Jacks and what have you. The only thing is that the shit is utterly foul. The first time I can distinctly remember drinking it was down at Ohio State University. My homie Dru Haze was a bartender at the local Black bar in town. The first time I went to his bar while he was working I ask him, "So, you've been doing this bartending thing..." "Yeah?" "...so what's your best drink?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, what drink do you think you make the best?" Dru looks at me with a wrinkled brow and is like, "Man, this is a Black bar. Niggas don't drink shit but Hennessee and Heinekens." Dru used to gank mad bottles of liquor from his job, so his place looked like the second bar. We're at his crib and he's like, "You want a shot?" "Yeah, what is it?" "151." "Sure." So I down the shot, but accidentally swallowed it through the wrong pipe so I start coughing, which in turn makes me start choking, which in turn causes the liquor to come out my nose, which in turn makes start crying and asking the Lord to show me a chaser that I can cut this horrible shit with. Me and my homie Kevvy-Kev were always looking for the best thing to blend with 151. It was like finding a new radio show for Don Imus, the shit ain't mixing good with nothing. It wasn't bad with Ginger Ale however, and that for some time became the popular drink. Still a tad gross, but good enough to make it happen. One day while I was chilling at the Rascal House, the bar across from the UC, with the homies Larnell and Crazy Steve we ordered up some Ameretto Sours because I was curious as to why women liked the drink so much, and I had yet to have tried one. I was turned off by the sweetness of the drink, which the bartender explained to me was the Ameretto. I raised one eyebrow and I ask this bartender if she could let me taste the sour mix by itself. She hits me off with a little nip in a shot glass and I smell it, swish it around and sip it like it's a fine Chianti. After that I ask her if they've got 151, to which she says yes. Word. Can you mix these two? Boom. The sour completely masked the foul flavor of the 151 and tricked you into thinking that you were not drinking the strongest shit outside of Kentucky. Word spread and before you knew it, everyone is getting down with the 151 Sour. It proved to be a bad decision though since all I would do is drink just as many 151 Sours as I would drink regular Rum & Cokes, so I ended up far too fucking drunk on far too fucking many occasions. The day I woke up in my backseat with throw up all over myself somewhere out in Virginia, where... I ain't really sure, I decided to stop drinking 151.

151 Sour
1 part Barcardi 151 Rum
1.5 to 2 parts Sour Mix, depending on your personal taste

Again, this drink ain't no punk, so please use either your best discretion or say fuck discretion and go for the blackout drunken stupor...

Wash The Sheets...

I got a homie in the Georgetown errea named Matt Golden. Cool-ass brother, he's one of those people that legitimately love sports. Not just football and baseball, but all sports. I think I heard him make a mention of the female NCAA Final Four which designates him as a feminist in my book, but hey, that's merely my book. Anyhow, his story is quite the interesting one. He tells me that he comes from smack-dab in the middle of Hartford and New Haven, Connecticut, raised in the Latino area. Man was an All-American Soccer player until he broke both ankles in his senior year of high school, but thankfully he's a smart kid taught to rely on intellect and not athletic prowess, so he got into Georgetown University based from his grades. In college, he decided to try for kicker of the football team since he was still able to kick a ball, but not exactly play soccer full-fledged. Ended up being Georgetown's kicker for two years. The boy is one of those stand-up proletariats like me that work hard and use money as a tool for empowerment. The reason I got Mr. Golden on here is to initiate my series of drinks that folks concoct. A drink is a powerful thing. Most people subscribe to about 2 or 3 drinks, and usually stay comfortably within that choice selection. Only the really daring try it all, and only the royalty of those considered daring have the chutzpah needed to concoct their own elixir. Matt has done so. And what on earth would a fellow with the last name "Golden" name his drink? Ha...




Golden Shower
2 parts Bombay Sapphire gin
1 part Peach Schnapps
1 part Pineapple Juice

Mix together in a shaker and serve as shots. To make a legitimate drink, just make appropriate increases with the recipe. Matt chooses to take it as a shot since no one makes shots out of gin. I agree...