Flame On...

I just got a major kick out of writing about the Golden Shower, so those who like this new Mixology series are about to get the pleasure of experiencing back-to-back articles with the same amount of erogenous ecstasy that lesbians get out of back-to-back dildos. Back when I attended Cleveland State University I became a major fucking lush. Beyond drinking myself into labyrinth-like stupors at night, my crew extended this idiocy to the early morning hours as well. We were the crew in the University Center, or UC, with coffee mugs full of each person's favorite hooch. My homie Shawn Corleone used to have a Wile E. Coyote cup constantly filled with cheap-ass vodka. Not only was it cute, but it was gangster too. Truly it was excess, but at least we did it in our late-teens and early twenties as opposed to doing it later in life when responsibility cannot be shirked. Due to everyone's rising tolerance we started drinking Barcardi 151 Rum. For those that don't know, that means that this rum is 75.5% straight-up alcohol content. Almost twice as powerful as your Absoluts and Jacks and what have you. The only thing is that the shit is utterly foul. The first time I can distinctly remember drinking it was down at Ohio State University. My homie Dru Haze was a bartender at the local Black bar in town. The first time I went to his bar while he was working I ask him, "So, you've been doing this bartending thing..." "Yeah?" "...so what's your best drink?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, what drink do you think you make the best?" Dru looks at me with a wrinkled brow and is like, "Man, this is a Black bar. Niggas don't drink shit but Hennessee and Heinekens." Dru used to gank mad bottles of liquor from his job, so his place looked like the second bar. We're at his crib and he's like, "You want a shot?" "Yeah, what is it?" "151." "Sure." So I down the shot, but accidentally swallowed it through the wrong pipe so I start coughing, which in turn makes me start choking, which in turn causes the liquor to come out my nose, which in turn makes start crying and asking the Lord to show me a chaser that I can cut this horrible shit with. Me and my homie Kevvy-Kev were always looking for the best thing to blend with 151. It was like finding a new radio show for Don Imus, the shit ain't mixing good with nothing. It wasn't bad with Ginger Ale however, and that for some time became the popular drink. Still a tad gross, but good enough to make it happen. One day while I was chilling at the Rascal House, the bar across from the UC, with the homies Larnell and Crazy Steve we ordered up some Ameretto Sours because I was curious as to why women liked the drink so much, and I had yet to have tried one. I was turned off by the sweetness of the drink, which the bartender explained to me was the Ameretto. I raised one eyebrow and I ask this bartender if she could let me taste the sour mix by itself. She hits me off with a little nip in a shot glass and I smell it, swish it around and sip it like it's a fine Chianti. After that I ask her if they've got 151, to which she says yes. Word. Can you mix these two? Boom. The sour completely masked the foul flavor of the 151 and tricked you into thinking that you were not drinking the strongest shit outside of Kentucky. Word spread and before you knew it, everyone is getting down with the 151 Sour. It proved to be a bad decision though since all I would do is drink just as many 151 Sours as I would drink regular Rum & Cokes, so I ended up far too fucking drunk on far too fucking many occasions. The day I woke up in my backseat with throw up all over myself somewhere out in Virginia, where... I ain't really sure, I decided to stop drinking 151.

151 Sour
1 part Barcardi 151 Rum
1.5 to 2 parts Sour Mix, depending on your personal taste

Again, this drink ain't no punk, so please use either your best discretion or say fuck discretion and go for the blackout drunken stupor...

Wash The Sheets...

I got a homie in the Georgetown errea named Matt Golden. Cool-ass brother, he's one of those people that legitimately love sports. Not just football and baseball, but all sports. I think I heard him make a mention of the female NCAA Final Four which designates him as a feminist in my book, but hey, that's merely my book. Anyhow, his story is quite the interesting one. He tells me that he comes from smack-dab in the middle of Hartford and New Haven, Connecticut, raised in the Latino area. Man was an All-American Soccer player until he broke both ankles in his senior year of high school, but thankfully he's a smart kid taught to rely on intellect and not athletic prowess, so he got into Georgetown University based from his grades. In college, he decided to try for kicker of the football team since he was still able to kick a ball, but not exactly play soccer full-fledged. Ended up being Georgetown's kicker for two years. The boy is one of those stand-up proletariats like me that work hard and use money as a tool for empowerment. The reason I got Mr. Golden on here is to initiate my series of drinks that folks concoct. A drink is a powerful thing. Most people subscribe to about 2 or 3 drinks, and usually stay comfortably within that choice selection. Only the really daring try it all, and only the royalty of those considered daring have the chutzpah needed to concoct their own elixir. Matt has done so. And what on earth would a fellow with the last name "Golden" name his drink? Ha...




Golden Shower
2 parts Bombay Sapphire gin
1 part Peach Schnapps
1 part Pineapple Juice

Mix together in a shaker and serve as shots. To make a legitimate drink, just make appropriate increases with the recipe. Matt chooses to take it as a shot since no one makes shots out of gin. I agree...

Back To Reality...

Now that Georgetown University lost in the Final Four and the team is back at the campus, it seems that all is back to normal. People can stop fronting as if they are really nice and actually like the basketball team as humans and not merely alumni dollar magnets. I've been on these sides for sometime now and most who know me know that I am not a fan of this area or university. To sum it up without being too indicting, there are far more pricks here per capita than any other place I have ever been to, even Manhattan. Plus, it really ain't the spot for a young Blackman that isn't on the assimilation track. About a year and a half ago Inspector Andy Solberg was quoted saying, "This is not a racial thing to say that black people are unusual in Georgetown." A year later, Blacks and Latinos are still being profiled. Strange considering that Georgetown was once a Black neighborhood. No matter, I feel so cultured around here. It's funny how these popped-Polo-collared pricks whose yachts' lengths are listed in the Social Registry, have no inkling about what me or people like me, or even people with less money than them, do. It's great. They don't like us around here, the only thing is, I really ain't trying to be here. And trust that this just isn't just my opine, others resonate with me on this. And if you still think I'm lying, get a whiff of some of these quotes that I have heard first-hand...

“Are you going to spend the night on their boat or your boat?" (unidentified Georgetown rich girl on the cell phone)

“Yesterday I walked so much. I walked through three malls. Back and forth.” (foreign rich girl)

Girl: “I have work tonight”
Boy: “Schoolwork or workwork?"
Girl: “Schoolwork. I did workwork last semester and it sucked.”

Two dudes on an elevator that don’t know each other…
“Hey. Are you Jewish?”
“No. Why?”
“No reason. You just look Jewish.” (and then this dude gets off the elevator as the other dude stays on with a puzzled look)

“It depends on whether you consider yourself a Jewish-American or an American Jew.”

“I need you guys to look real fucking conservative. That means button-up.” (rich Republican kid taking a picture of his Republican crew)

“You’ve been to Barcelona? Awesome! Do you summer there?” (this white girl said this to me at a really plush party. I answered yes…)

“I got to shake Bush’s hand today. He is so hot!” (Georgetown girl with a polo short-sleeved shirt, complete with popped collar, multi-pleated mini skirt and some dirty-ass flip-flops on)

“Although the media has gone wild over Foxx’s roles in Ray and Collateral, the prospect of another ground-breaking win by an African-American actor seems far-fetched.” (“Best Actor” 2005 Oscar predictions from The Hoya, Georgetown’s main campus newspaper)

“So brother… (slaps me on the right shoulder with his left hand) how about that Jamie Foxx winning that Oscar?” (white boy at a keg party, not a dance party)

"Another ground-breaking win?" Who's the editor? Welcome to my world. But... Never here to hate, so big up to the whole squad. Jeff and Roy, hopefully you guys hang around for next year, but personally... I'd go where the money lies... Enjoy the highlights from the Hoyas' amazing 2007 season...

You Gotta Look Fly When You Kick It...

Admittedly, I have a problem of sorts. I am a fan of what we refer to in Cleveland as tennis shoes, or here on the East Coast as sneakers, or in Londontown as trainers. No matter the moniker, you can't get in the club with them. So what? Fuck a club. I'm far more of a dive bar type of guy anyhow. Sneakers to me are the epicenter of the outfit. In the event that I'm giving two shits about my appearance, the assemble and all accompanying accoutrement coincide with the shoes. That's just how I do and have always done. 1976-the red saddle shoes match the scarf tied around the neck of the baby in the sailor suit to a tee. 1982-the grey KangaROOS Tai Chi Joggers match the grey fisherman hat almost flawlessly, but I still had to take my shoe off to get my lunch money. 1985-red and black Air Jordans, red and black Air Jordan suit. As if it were planned. 1990-the grey, black, white and red Nike Air Wildwood ACGs looked good with the Girbauds. 1999-burgundy Vasque Sundowners that look kin to the double-breasted, mahogany leather pea coat. 2007-maroon Jordan 5s, maroon Polo hoodie with the diagonally-striped maroon, navy blue and cream Polo scarf serving as garnish. Perpetually primped and preened. Do you know what it is I mean? See, we Black men have been color-coordinating way before the gay dudes punked the frat boys and yuppies inadvertently creating "metrosexuality." This was merely the way of the wardrobe. Dipped in glaze like a Krispy Kreme, y'nahaameen? Nonetheless, the sneakers are something of an addiction. I watched Just For Kicks which made me feel a little better since I don't have it as bad as Tommy Rebel nor Damon Dash. Nor do I have the vast collection that those dudes have. No really rare Tokyo-only or ultra-expensive releases. I made a valiant effort to buy some Air Pressures on eBay, and if you know anything about them, you'll understand why I couldn't afford them. My arsenal consists of many well-researched purchases. I tend to be biased towards the old school looking tennis shoes since those seem to never get played out. But to make a mindless rant shorter-I have bought far too many shoes this past year. So, on this particular day on eBay, I find a pair that I have yet to ever seen. Kinda plain with the red stripe, I figured them be an old pair of some pre-1985 Nike tennis shoes. Whatever. They were cheap, so I went for it. A week later, I receive a box and rip it open and laugh really loud cause these Nikes are fake as fuck. Cheap sole, red marker etchings on the Achilles' heel tab, pinchbeck-ass leather. Ersatz as fuck, yo. These ain't no Tabula Rasa. So, like you gotta do with Internet business, I had to email the dude up. Here it goes...

hello,
i just got these shoes, and i'll be expecting a refund in full for these ersatz-ass nikes. fakes are what you sold me. full refund or else i'm going to ebay with this.
onasuss
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Hi, I have no idea what you are talking about. The serial number is on the shoe. I live in Portland, the headquarters of Nike. I have over 20,000 feedback, why would I try to pass off fake shoes. That is a ridiculous accusation. I am happy to accept a return, and will refund the bid price. However, I am not going to play this game of counterfeit merchandise. If you aren't happy, that is fine, I do accept returns. I am sorry but nobody gets to my place in Ebay by selling fakes, that is a joke.
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maybe it was an accident, but these are indeed fakes. examine them upon return. where to send them?
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Please return them to
Joseph xxxxxxxxxxxx
xxx xxxxxxx xxx
Portland, Oregon xxxxx
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will do. however i want the total price refunded. not just the item price. i will send these to you c.o.d. and i expect a return of $51.84 initiated on your part via paypal. after that is done i will return the shoes.
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I will refund your bid price when these are returned. I am accepting a refund based on the fact that you do not like them. That is totally fine. They will be relisted exactly the same as before. These are vintage shoes, and I have been in the vintage business for many years. I have sold 25,000 pairs of shoes online. I will not accept a refund on the basis that these are counterfeit merchandise, simply because they are not. I inspect my items thoroughly, and i would never list fake merchandise. In fact-----I HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE MAIN ADVOCATES THAT REMOVED THE FAKE CHINA AND HONG KONG, ARGENTINA AND BRAZIL FAKE SHOES ON EBAY ----I LOBBYED FOR 2 YEARS TO DO SO.

I just want you to understand I am happily accepting a refund, but you need to know your assumptions are not correct.

I will refund the price once the shoes have been returned. You are dealing with a gold powerseller with 19 negative feedback out of 21,000 transactions here.

Please tell me why you insist these are knockoffs. That might help me understand.
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no disrespect to you as a power seller, but i am a sneaker buying fool. i can spot a fake. things like the leather being of a inferior quality, the tab in the rear has been colored over. nike always embroiders or at least prints something on that tab. nike also does not use the type of sole that is on these shoes. you can also tell by the pinchbeck interior and the poor quality of the tongue. since you live in portland near the headquarters, you can take these shoes there to see if my prognosis is correct or not. i'd put twenty on me though.
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These shoes were made about 20 years ago. They have had dozens of manufacturers and production revisions in that period of time. There was a period where they were manucacturing in about 5 countries and had major problems with consistency. In any case, I really am not trying to argue, but they weren't even a big enough company back when these were made for anyone to try to knock them off anyway.
I will happily refund your initial payment you made, but I need you to refund them soon. That way I can offer them to the next highest bidder.
Thanks,
Joseph
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listen man,
20 years ago marks 1987, right? in 1987, three years after nike had just revolutionized the sneaker game with the air jordan, they came out with the air max 1, with the visible air bubble. i think i bought the grey, white, black and green air trainer one's that year too. nike had just made a billion dollars in 1986. there was no way that nike had any problems with manufacturing a consistent product whatsoever. your position is sophistry in full effect. you're out of your arena, man. take 'em to the headquarters and see what nike gone tell you.
onasuss
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Hi, that is what I said, I will refund your initial payment. I believe these came out in the 80's. I know the era you are talking about, my brother worked there for 15 years. I am not trying to argue with you. This is a single pair of shoes. I am glad you are into sneakers, and sorry you don't like these.
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END

"I am glad you are into sneakers" Ha! He's a funny guy, and so I am I to say the least. To contribute to the Illustrious Chaddie B's Sneaker Fund, please send all contributions via Paypal to me, Chad B. Thanks in advance... I wanna be able to flip it like these dudes...